I met Paul Cruz the first time he came canvassing with our team. Before the canvass, we had a great conversation where he thoughtfully enumerated his fears. He had quite a catalogue of them.
Then, after the canvass, we talked again, and he was equally forthcoming about what put the fears to rest.
Here are Paul’s experiences and insights that can help any of us both notice our fears and then overcome them.
Meet Paul Cruz
Paul:
I see myself as a confident person, a competitive person. I set insecurity aside when I have goals for myself that are important. That's what brought me to deep canvassing.
But when we met, Dave—which was the first morning I was deep canvassing—I also shared with you my fear.
Dave:
You wanted to be more comfortable as an extrovert when you needed to be one. That’s what it sounded like to me.
Paul:
Right, you hit the nail in the head. I'm not shy, I'm not afraid of people. I enjoy social interaction. What I don't need is a lot of it. I really enjoy having a meal with somebody, getting to know somebody in a small group or one-on-one. But throw me into a party of a 100 people, where everybody is just chatting away and mixing, I retreat. It's too much stimulation. That's how I experience being an introvert.
So I thought, if I can get over my fear of just knocking on that door, once I'm engaged I will find my one-on-one comfort zone. Will a dragon pop out of that door when I knock on it?
Dave:
What would a dragon look like?
3 different fears
1. The other person might be mean
Paul:
I grew up as a child who experienced a lot of social rejection, because of my limitations in speaking English, because of my skin color, and because of the way that I acted when I was young. I was very effeminate. I got bullied a lot, criticized a lot, all the way through my whole elementary education. I would be chased down the street, thrown into trash cans.
So when I think about knocking on a door, all of that comes up: that feeling of being lesser than—of not being accepted—rejected—ridiculed—teased—meanness coming at me—all those visceral feelings come to the surface.
2. The other person might remind Paul of white bullies he faced as a boy
Paul:
I started school in 1971-72. Very few people looked like me. There were a lot of white children in the neighborhood. A lot of my bullies were white children.
So when somebody white comes to the door, I have a very different visceral feeling than when somebody of color comes to the door. Those feelings never leave you. I get especially nervous when somebody white is in front of me, especially if they're going to be mean to me.
3. The other person might feel that Paul is intruding
Paul:
Before canvassing the first time, I also anticipated it would feel like I was intruding. Because this is how I feel when somebody comes knocking when I'm at home, relaxing.
Knocking on a door, I need to make a connection with whoever answers. Because I have a goal, which is to have a relational conversation with this person.
So therein lies the challenge; and, in a way, it is also what really attracted me. Because I think about my clients when I was in sales. We don't always get to pick and choose who we meet.
Dave:
So you've got a lot of things you're worried about. You're worried the other person might be mean. You're worried that they might be justified in being mean, because you're intruding. And if they happen to be white, you're worried you’ll feel the way you felt when you were bullied as a boy.
Paul:
Yeah.
Dave:
That's a lot of reasons not to knock on a door. How in the world did you ever try it?
5 solutions
Paul’s solution #1: it was more painful not to knock
Paul:
This is why the reason for knocking on the door had to be compelling. It's got to be more painful for me not to knock on the door, where staying in my bubble actually becomes more painful than taking the action I was afraid of.
Dave:
What made it more painful not to knock on the door?
Paul:
Because things of paramount importance to me were and are at risk of being lost. I didn't want to move backward. I didn't want to go back to a time where I couldn't talk openly about my husband, where I couldn't dream about the day that I would be married.
Dave:
How long have you been partnered?
Paul:
Four years now, and I feel strongly my current relationship will be lifelong. It took me a while to get here. I got here because I started to do a lot of work on myself. I figured out I was playing a bigger role in some of my relationship mishaps than I might have taken responsibility for in the past. I wanted to live and learn.
Solution #2: being part of a well-trained team
Dave:
When you decided you were ready to go deep canvassing with us, you came to a story workshop a few days before the canvass; and on the morning of the canvass, you got further training.
Paul:
After the training session in the park, I felt very relaxed. I think it was the role playing; I got a clearer picture of what I might experience. Also, I felt I was part of a team. When I was expressing my nervousness to other participants, they were saying, "Hey, I have felt that, too.” Everyone had experienced nervousness. I wasn't the only one. And it was OK to openly talk about it.
Solution #3: canvassing with a supportive partner
Dave:
When you went out, your partner was Maria, a very experienced canvasser.
Paul:
When we approached the first door, Maria asked what would make me more comfortable: if she came with me or waited on the sidewalk? I asked her to come with me to the door and stand next to me while I used the script. So that's how we did it. I knocked on the door and started; when I got stuck a little bit, she jumped in, it felt very natural the way we worked together. We did that for the first three doors. By that time I said, "I feel comfortable." So then she waited at the sidewalk and I did my first door by myself. After that, she went across the street to continue with her doors, and I continued with mine.
Solution #4: no dragons! the people were kinder than Paul expected
Dave:
How were the conversations?
Paul:
I was surprised. People were very cordial. There were a couple of people who didn't speak English, but when I told them that I was there to talk about voting, both of us attempted to cross that language barrier; they were really interested in what I had to say. But if we couldn’t communicate, I took their information down, so that somebody could come back who spoke the language.
I did meet one aggressive person who asked us to get off her property or we’d be trespassing, and she asked what we were doing. I said, "We are out talking to voters about the November election." I apologized for having intruded and said I would leave immediately. I could understand, ok, she wants her time. I'll just go onto the next door and talk with somebody else.
Dave:
How much time did you spend with her?
Paul:
Oh, it was less than a minute.
Solution #5: Paul made a difference with the exact kind of voter he most wanted to meet
Dave:
How many people did you end up speaking with?
Paul:
In two hours, in addition to the one person who wanted me to leave, I had three complete conversations and one partial, all very positive.
Dave:
So you spoke with five voters: one asked you to leave, the other four talked with you. Of the four where people talked with you, does one stick with you?
Paul:
There were really two that struck me, but one wasn't challenging.
Dave:
Wasn't challenging because?
Paul:
He was really engaged and appreciative of the work we were doing. He was an educator, and very easy to talk to.
Dave:
Got it.
Paul:
The other was a young man, 26 years old. I went to knock on the door, but he stopped me: he was in the car parked at the house and motioned for me to come over. He was smoking a blunt in the car. He was a registered voter, so I started talking to him.
The reason it struck me was because he's a man of color, and he was not engaged in politics at all. I asked him, "On a scale of zero to 10, would you vote in November?" And he says, "Zero." He didn't care about what was going on in the world. And that was challenging to me, because meeting people like him was exactly my motivation for being there.
I told him about my partner Eric and why I love him. Because I wanted to know who in his life he loved—who was so important to him that he would take the initiative to protect. It took a little while, but he eventually opened up; he looked down into his lap and said, “My son.” It was moving. And I was able to get his phone number to keep in touch with him.
I’m feeling there are a group of people out there very similar to him, where they feel that no matter what they do, no matter what they say, no matter if they vote or not, nothing is going to come of it. And it was a little bit upsetting, but I was so appreciative that he took the time to talk to me. He was very nice. He was a little high, but he was open and relaxed.
Dave:
What do you think the conversation was like from his point of view?
Paul:
I tell you, Dave, I think I had an impact. There were two signs that I had an impact. One was, he told me, "I appreciate you for being out here and doing this." He saw the value in what I was doing. And number two was, I got him to a point where he could reflect on his son. I think at that moment, I had touched something in him about how that boy is important to him—so important that maybe he should become more involved, because of his son. He was soul-searching.
Dave:
How did you feel talking with this younger man of color who was getting high? Were you scared? Were you comfortable? Maybe you even had a variety of feelings.
Paul:
By that time, I had knocked on several doors. I had this rhythm going. So I felt very comfortable talking with him, which is why I continued. At one point I even showed him the rating scale, because he was looking at my clipboard. I took some time to explain what I was doing, why I was doing it; so I showed him the scale so he could see what I was doing.
At the end, when I asked him if he was open to us visiting again in the future, that’s when he shared his phone number.
What Paul would do in the future if he’s a buddy to a first-timer
Dave:
So if at a future canvass I ask you to be a buddy to a first-timer and pair you up with them, and before you went out they were raising some of these same concerns that you had, what would you tell them?
Paul:
I'd want them to know I'm going to be there with them. I want them to feel supported. I’d also want them to know that after each voter we would discuss whatever happened. So if they had a negative experience, I could share about my own negative experience and how I dealt with it: that I went to the next door, and somebody was appreciative that I was there. The positive experiences far outweigh the negative experiences.
Dave:
I really like that your very first response is not to minimize their fears or tell them not to worry. Instead, your first response is you'll be there with them and the two of you will talk about each conversation before going on to the next. Maybe that is the most important thing you learned from Maria.
Paul:
I think so because I felt very good about the experience. You can't change what's behind that door, it's going to be positive or negative or somewhere in between. We have no power over that. But we do have the power to be kind to every voter and supportive to our canvassing partner.
Also, what’s great about the story building workshop and the training and the debrief is that you’re part of this team. Everybody's doing the same work. People share openly about both negative and positive experiences. And negative experiences are talked through. I found it very helpful to engage with people immediately during and after the canvass who experienced similar things and were willing to share about them.
Dave:
So we've got a culture at the Leadership LAB where it's not only ok to talk about all these things, it's good to talk about them. I think that helps dial down the anxiety.
Paul:
Absolutely. Because you could be thinking that you've just had a uniquely horrible experience, maybe it’s your fault, nobody's had as horrible an experience as you've just had. Then you talk to somebody and they say, "Oh, that happened to me." Then everybody starts talking about it, and all of a sudden that horrible thing becomes almost laughable. And you're like, "Oh, well I thought I was alone in this," and you focus less on it. It's like, oh, okay.
An unexpected surprise
Dave:
What's the most important thing that surprised you about yourself doing this?
Paul:
What surprised me about myself is my ability to move beyond the discomfort. I think that's something that's very important for me to hold onto.
I thought maybe I would not be able to do this. I thought that this might push too many of my buttons. I have been challenged by this all my life. I remember when I first got my real estate license, I went to a real estate training, we all took a test and I scored very low in the social. I remember the instructor projecting onto the screen what the ideal salesperson would look like on the scale. I was the complete opposite. Yet, I sold real estate for over nine years, and was a top performer for many of those years.
This experience with canvassing just reinforced for me that sometimes we put ourselves in this little box and think that’s all we're capable of. But then I discover that I can do it. So I walked away from this experience saying to myself, "I'm really a pretty capable person."
Dave:
If part of what you were afraid of before you knocked on the first door was the fact that you couldn't control who was going to answer the door, what you're saying now is you actually don't feel so out of control. Even though this isn't what comes easiest to you, you can live with the discomfort and actually do pretty well.
Paul:
Yes, I feel that exactly. What I do have control over is how I treat other people, and why I’m there. If I'm prepared to deliver an important message and really listen to what they have to say, then I can welcome whatever happens at the door.
What a great story about the part fear plays while deep canvassing! Very relatable for me, especially the introversion and empathizing with the person behind their own door minding their own business and being interrupted by me. Yet we canvass to preserve the rights and life we love and the people who we love. And the joy occasionally found in connecting with the person is a bonus. Even on canvass days without that bonus it's totally worth the fear.
Hi Dave: Love your Substacks on canvassing. I'm wondering if you are available to speak on Zoom to a large group of activists about canvassing and deep canvassing. I sent you a message on LinkedIn. You can also DM me on Twitter/X where I am @elvinben. Thanks, Ellen Bender, Leadership Team, Markers For Democracy https://markersfordemocracy.org/