You’ve started the conversation; now, how do you deepen it?
This is the second part in the series I call “The Gist.”
In the first part, I laid out, step by step, how to start a political conversation (read it here, https://davefleischer.substack.com/p/how-to-start-a-political-conversation). It gives you 4 questions that help the other person start talking.
Now, in the second part, I give you 3 transitions that will deepen the conversation. The transitions work best together and in the order I’m listing them.
Transition #1: move the conversation from opinions to the other person’s actual experience
How to do this: Tell a story about someone you love.
Language to make this transition: “For me, voting is political of course, but it’s also personal. I think about the people I love, and today I’m thinking about ________.”
Then: tell your story about the person you love. Include how you know each other. Focus on a moment you’ll never forget, a moment where you were vulnerable. Don’t rush. Take a full 2 minutes to tell your story. Be specific. Paint a picture of the moment and why it mattered.
Why do this: When we share a story about ourselves that demonstrates our vulnerability, the voter realizes that we’re not there to judge or shame them. That helps them trust us enough to tell us a story about someone they love, which is the next step.
Why use the word “love”: Everyone knows what “love” means; and they know that much of what’s good in their life happens with people they love. So when you say “love” and talk about your mom, dad, brother, sister, partner, friend, or anyone who helped you out of a really tough spot, they know you’re talking about someone truly important to you. It’s not trivia; it’s the real stuff of life. And they are drawn in.
Examples:
With a non-voter: https://davefleischer.substack.com/p/how-to-help-a-non-voter-realize-they
With a Trump voter: https://davefleischer.substack.com/p/how-fast-will-a-trump-voter-change
Reducing prejudice against transgender people: click on the video below to see Virginia, the canvasser, telling their story.
Transition #2: after you’ve told them your story, ask, “Who’s someone you love?”
How to do this: ask “Who’s someone you love?” Then stop talking. They weren’t expecting this question, but they will answer it if they see you really want to know.
Then: Often people tell you part of a story, or the headline version of a story. They aren’t sure yet that you’re really interested. So listen. Don’t interrupt. If they pause, give them a moment; they may have more to say. If they’ve only told part of the story, ask “What happened next?”
Or, if they’ve told you generally about a person but not shared a story, ask them:
“What’s a specific moment you had with this person that you will never forget?” or
“What’s a specific time you realized you could rely on them, or they could rely on you?”
Why do this: Telling a story about someone we love is a powerful, positive experience; and it reminds the teller how they try to treat people, and how they want people to treat others. Just as importantly, people believe their real, lived experience more than they believe their opinions. When someone realizes an opinion of theirs isn’t consistent with their real, lived experience‑‑with the way they really live‑‑that’s when they are poised to change their opinion, and maybe their vote.
Example:
Reducing prejudice against transgender people: click on the video below to see how Virginia elicits a story from the voter.
Transition #3: after they tell you their story, ask: “How did that make you feel?”
How to do this: ask “How did that make you feel?” Then stop and listen.
Why do this: They’re telling you why they will never forget this person and this moment.
Example: My conversation with Feather Boa Man (located in the middle of this post):
https://davefleischer.substack.com/p/breakthrough-disaster-redemption
What mindset do you need to elicit a story?
This short video below, created by artist and author Gui Mohallem, asks some of the best deep canvassers I know, what advice you would give yourself if you could go back in time to the first time you were about to deep canvass?
What do you do now?
Go right into 4 final questions. I’ll post these in my third and final part of “The Gist.”
Then you’ll have, in bullet points, the arc of what it looks like when we change a mind.
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If you would like answers to your questions about deep canvassing
On Saturday, April 20, at 2 p.m. eastern time, I’m hosting a highly participatory and practical Zoom for readers to ask questions and discuss deep canvassing. The Zoom is free, but space is limited. To register, please email deepcanvass@gmail.com with your name, email, and a sentence about what’s on your mind.