This is the third and final part in the series I call “The Gist.”
In the first part, I covered how to start a political conversation (read it here, https://davefleischer.substack.com/p/how-to-start-a-political-conversation). It gives you 4 questions that help the other person start talking almost right away.
In the second part, I gave you 3 transitions to deepen the conversation (read it here, https://davefleischer.substack.com/p/youve-started-the-conversation-now). This is a longer part of the conversation, because you’re both going to talk about someone you love.
Now, in the third and final part, here are 5 steps that will help you change their mind. As you will see, these final 5 steps build on your close listening to everything that’s come up earlier in the conversation.
The listening is essential. But, if we want to help them reconsider, so is making the case. Here’s how you do it.
Step 1: After sharing personal stories, you are likely to discover that the two of you have something important in common. Let them know what you noticed. Often it has to do with how we want to treat other people.
Here’s an example:
“When I listen to both of our stories, I can tell we have something in common: we both know what love is; we know what it’s like to rely on someone else, and have them rely on you; to need another person, and for them to need you. I think that’s how most people live, whether or not they are partnered. We count on other people.”
Step 2: Now, tie your observation to the upcoming election.
Here’s an example of how to begin making the case to a non-voter that they may want to reconsider and vote:
“That’s why our stories make me think about the election. Because Donald Trump has no idea what love is, no-one can rely on him, his word is no good, he’s cruel, he’s only out for himself. No-one in their right mind treats anyonethe way Trump treats everyone. I really want to stop Trump. Do you want to stop Trump?”
Step 3: Go back to the rating question.
An example if they are not registered to vote, or not registered at their current address:
“You’re in luck, I can help you, I have a voter registration form right here. But before you fill it out, let me go back to that rating question. If you register to vote, how likely are you to vote this November, where 0 means you won’t vote, 10 means you’ll definitely vote, and in between you have mixed feelings; what’s the right number for you?”
[when they answer, then ask]: “And why is that the right number for you?”
[then register them; this is also a good moment to help them apply to vote by mail]: “If you have any questions, just ask. And when you fill out the form, I’ll look it over to make you didn’t miss anything.”
[after they fill out the forms, check line-by-line to make sure everything necessary is filled in, and let them know you’ll submit the form promptly]
Step 4: Let them know you’d like to be back in touch when you know that their ballot will be arriving in the mail or that Election Day is near.
“Closer to the election, we’ll be back in touch—what’s the best phone number to reach you at?”
Step 5: Thank them.
Language: “Thanks for talking with me today, I’m glad we met.
An example of a full deep canvass conversation when we want to persuade someone who disagrees with us to vote with us.
All of the above paint a picture of what it’s like when we talk with a non-voter or infrequent voter who knows they strongly dislike Trump. But it’s not so different when we are persuading someone to support us on an issue, or when we are seeking to reduce prejudice.
Watch this video to see what a deep canvass conversation looks like from start to finish when we are aiming to reduce prejudice against transgender people, with all the elements and bullet points from the start of a conversation to the finish.
When you watch the video, you’ll notice that the introductory part of the conversation was pretty brief. The voter made clear that she was skeptical of and even sounded dismayed by or hostile to someone being transgender. By contrast, the canvasser expressed a very positive view of transgender people. The two of them disagreed; but already, because they were listening to each other, they were surprised; then curious; and they dug deeper.
That’s when the canvasser and the voter started to exchange stories. Four stories—two told by each of them—took the lion’s share of their time together:
1) The voter described how it felt for her to discover that her niece is transgender.
2) The canvasser described how it felt for him to become friends with a transgender person in high school.
3) The canvasser asked the voter if they’d ever felt like the outsider. She then shared a story about a hard experience at work, when her co-workers looked down on her, saw her as an outsider and excluded her.
4) The canvasser then told a story about how he felt like an outsider in high school as a gay guy, when some of the other students ridiculed and demeaned him.
The four stories illuminated that the two had something profound in common, something universal: they know what it’s like to be looked down on, disrespected, picked on, told they’re inferior. And they both know from their own lived experience that that kind of cruelty is wrong. They want no part of it. They want to be better than that in the way they each treat people.
So when the canvasser pointed out this common ground and asked the rating question a second time, the voter changed her mind. She saw things differently now. She realized she had something big in common with her transgender relative: they had each faced unkindness bordering on cruelty, and prejudice. The voter was surprised to realize that “I guess that’s what my nephew was going through.”
She now favored including transgender people in the local non-discrimination law. When the canvasser asked why she changed her mind, the voter said: “It’s only right. Let a person be who they are.” She was talking about all four of them: the canvasser, his transgender friend, the voter, and her niece. She wanted to stand up for all of them.
If you want to learn more about how to deep canvass and have these kinds of conversations
On Saturday, April 20, at 2 p.m. eastern time, I’m hosting a highly participatory and practical Zoom for readers to ask questions and discuss deep canvassing. The Zoom is free, but space is limited. To register, please email deepcanvass@gmail.com with your name, email, and a sentence about what’s on your mind.